yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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