I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
