I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
