So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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