btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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