Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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