I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
