I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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