Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
