so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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