Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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