I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
