yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
