you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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