Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
