i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
