Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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