Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
