It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
