O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
