I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
kristin has been a bad kristin
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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