Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
