capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
