Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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