I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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