Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
