I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
