Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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