he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
