So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
