just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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