So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
