I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
