yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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