I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Randomize
