just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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