nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
