I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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