I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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