I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
