Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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