So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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