She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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