You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
