i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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