I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
