I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
