Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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