this just has baby written all over it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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