Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
