If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
