dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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