But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
