new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
