but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
